BBC Three’s Shoplife : Episode 5

Episode 5 aired on Thursday evening and was another non-useful insight into the world of people who work at the MetroCentre. What I mean by “insight into the world of people who work at the MetroCentre” is that the show will spend more time in London, at their houses, in Bijoux & generally everywhere but the MetroCentre.

Sadly, the champagne bar was not featured again this week, instead we were given the following insights;

  • Joey loves Paris after just 2 weeks.
  • Justine (Joey’s Mam) is proud of him.
  • Tom does not like peeling glue off of shelves.
  • Joey’s Mam knows Paris’ favourite food.
  • Emma the hairdresser is not very good at Geography.
  • Degree’s are useless.
  • Paris cries easily.
  • Tom could be at risk of hearing loss.
  • Shelley (!?) got a promotion.
  • Joey’s Mam cried as Joey is moving out.

It’s the last in the series on Thursday. According to the trailer we meet someone from Poundland. Can’t wait.

Job Advertisements

What they really mean.

  • Competitive salary
    (We remain competitive by paying you less than our competition.)
  • Join our fast-paced company!
    (We have no time to train you.)
  • Casual work atmosphere
    (We don’t pay enough to expect that you will dress up; a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.)
  • Some overtime required
    (Some every night and some every weekend.)
  • Duties will vary
    (Anyone in the office can boss you around.)
  • Must have an eye for detail
    (We have no quality assurance.)
  • Career-minded
    (Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).)
  • Apply in person
    (If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told that the position has been filled.)
  • Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience
    (You’ll need it to replace the three people who just quit.)
  • Problem-solving skills a must
    (You’re walking into perpetual chaos.)
  • Requires team leadership skills
    (You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.)
  • Good communication skills
    (Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it.)

You know it’s all true!

Partially Exposing the Truth

For a long time now I’ve had my tongue tied by red tape. I’ve been unable to comment on something which ruined a lot of the end of my time at NE1fm 102.5 – and something which has upset a handful of almost life long friends.

Tonight I decided enough was enough after reading more black and white tweets from someone painting a picture that they have been completely wronged by NE1fm 102.5. As someone no longer working for the station I finally felt it was time to pass comment on the subject. Also because I’m tired of being made out as part of a group of bullies.

The person in question keeps writing to councillors & MPs trying to fight against a decision the station made. He has written to more than a couple that I am aware of. The councillors/MPs do a tremendous job of writing to the station asking for information on the issue and when they receive the station’s defence I can only assume they agree with the decision and tell their constituent they cannot help. I assume this because the person keeps going to different people – a bit like going to your Dad when your Mam says no.

I’ve done my best to show the conversation in its entirety below. It may change as I find bits I may have missed out due to Twitter’s rubbish conversation listing thing.

















I think that covers everything. I’ll clean this up as I go as the quoting Twitter feature is rubbish on WordPress.

BBC Three’s Shoplife : Episode 3

Couple of people asking where this week’s review is. If I’m completely honest barring Tom it was boring as sin.

Usual social commentary tomorrow evening from 9pm – let’s hope it’s slightly more enjoyable.

BBC Three’s Shoplife : Episode 2

Briefly put, episode 2 aired last night and covered;

  • Hoovering skills
  • Champagne
  • Edward Scissorhands
  • Romance
  • Long Days
  • Religious Shirt Undoing
  • Job advice
  • Dating
  • And anger

So pretty standard. Listen to the best bits below, as heard on NE1fm 102.5 Saturdays at 1:30 on the Dan Pye Show.

The social commentary went down a storm as per usual and if you like what you read on Twitter @kevatkinson look out at 9pm Thursday for the next batch of social commentary.

BBC Three’s Shoplife

BBC Three have a new TV show about the MetroCentre – it’s called Shoplife. Read about, and watch it here.

I’m the self-elected social commentator for the show – as approved by BBC Three in this tweet;

In my self elected role I’ll tell you what real Geordies think of what the show is pushing. What’s real, what’s clearly fake. Many of my tweets this evening were RTd or favourited, or both – even from stars of the show. So clearly the public like what I’m saying. No malice, just observation and what I like to call #realtalk. I’ll also be discussing the show on The Dan Pye Show on Newcastle’s NE1fm 102.5 – Saturdays from 12pm.

In episode 1 I made the following observations;

  • The sountrack has been dubbed off of a Geordie Shore episode.
  • The only people ever at the Champagne bar are MetroCentre staff.
  • Lots of filler film was taken on a broken camera, it was all blurry. (I know, it’s deliberate)
  • Doughnut John is one of a kind. He has (what I suspect is) blue colouring in his hair, off of the doughnuts.
  • You only need a 3 to 5 scene montage to go from a ‘wannabe’ model to being a catwalk model.
  • If you tell people on the telly where there is no CCTV – there’ll probably be CCTV there imminently.

Stuff I want to see in episode 2;

  • Generic security guard #5 addressing the constant queues at the ATM outside of Santander, near McDonalds.
  • A health and safety risk assessment being carried out by a centre manager on those portable trampoline things.
  • Overworked Namco engineer #3 who can’t fix a problem with an arcade machine.

Ant and Dec also (did not) comment on the show.

See you next week on Twitter @kevatkinson  – 9pm for more social commentary.